shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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