I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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