My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
