dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
