Ambien. No doubt about it.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
