At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You can't special order awesome
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
