He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
