I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
