We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
