so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
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Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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