He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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