So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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