new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
