when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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