and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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