is wine microwaveable?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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