never play flip cup with pint glasses
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
