Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
