Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
