took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
