We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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