Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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