I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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