Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
