Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize