i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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