There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
