I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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