I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
