I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Rumble strips road head = magical
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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