i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
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thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My vagina is officially offended.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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