This is not my ceiling
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
