I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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