I wanna bring you to show and tell
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
