how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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