I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
