some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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