That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How does it feel to date your dad?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
