i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
