3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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