The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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