break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize