just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
