You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
