no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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