I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
