What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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