I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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