Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
