It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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