i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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