I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
