So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
