Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
