ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
