I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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