Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
