everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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