i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
