It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
