Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
