literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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