I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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