coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
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All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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