My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
