Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
