I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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