We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Everyone says I win the strip club
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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