I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
