He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you made out with another girl for some wings
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
