I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
