Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Randomize