when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?