Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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