I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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