living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.