elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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