Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
