come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
