I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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