Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
