so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize