I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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