I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
