if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
