She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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