you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
