Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
