im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
