and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
