I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
